Just when you needed me most…

So I’m going through a med change right now and I feel like absolute Hell! The 90mgs of morphine ER seemed to have stopped controlling my pain on any level, so I went to talk to my Dr about doing something about it. His suggestion , based on the amount I have taken for the last three years, was that maybe we should switch it up and try the fentanyl patch instead for awhile-and if it didn’t work out-I could always switch back after a month or so. He assured me the switch would be simple. As I am getting slightly more medication from the patch.
Here’s the problem. I totaalllllly feel like I am in the midst of withdrawals from the morphine. I have every symptom, from the chills and sweats, the shakes and aches, the nausea and multiple trips to the bathroom. The last two days have been horrid. I feel like my brain is underwater and I’m so lethargic I can barely move. I’ve scoured the Internet and can find no one else with a similar situation . I just don’t understand what’s going on inside my body chemistry !!!!
So in the midst of this, yesterday, my Darling Son who I’ve mentioned in previous postings, gets caught by my husband, smoking weed on his way home from school.
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.
I want to kill him. All these years I’ve wanted to try medical marijuana but haven’t-because in my husbands head he thinks that would be giving the children a free pass to do it themselves.
After this damned kid has watched his oldest sister destroy her life and tear apart this family and rip my heart out of my chest More than once because of her drug problems.
After everything we’ve done for him this year , killing ourselves to get him into the best school in the area, driving him and his friends 20 miles one way and back to band camp every day for 3 weeks. Becoming fully vested and involved in the band, the booster club, taking LOTS of time out of our lives for his success !!
he goes and does this to us!
He’s meeting with his psychiatrist tomorrow. Some part of me hopes they admit him for a few days just to scare the bejezzus out of him. Part of me wanted to call the police. Part of me wants to homeschool him so he can’t get away from my watchful eyes. Part of me wants to strip his room down to akin to a jail cell. Leave him with a mattress, a sheet, and a blanket, for the rest of the school year .
I don’t know whatI’m supposed to do. he’s 14!!!!
Suggestions?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tina Tucker
    Aug 31, 2012 @ 03:11:48

    Oh Betty…I am so so sorry!! I just went to your instagram gallery to see what I may have missed while watching my doodle bug. Well, I noticed first the med change post…wish I had seen sooner…could “maybe” help a little there…and then I noticed your web site link…and read all about your teen troubles along with all else…I hate I didn’t see all this sooner…I am here for you any time!! Email me…and we can continue in private. Tina (Openheartedme) P.S. if you don’t see this before I konk out…and you reply or email me & don’t hear back…I will get back with you!! If not tonight, then tomorrow. šŸ™‚

    Reply

    • modifiedgirl
      Aug 31, 2012 @ 03:24:27

      Thank you soooo much for reading Tina. I really do appreciate it. My life has just been such an up and down roller coaster as of late, I just want someone to stop this ride so I can get off!!!!!!

      Reply

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