New Years Resolution….Of Sorts

Well, I promised myself, and a few random others (as though anyones out there, Dear reader?) that I would try to blog more, to write more. Its helped in the past, it helps me get some things out, it gives me a place to talk about things that I just can’t talk to anyone else about. Why is it the way I understand things-the way they make sense to me-and should make sense to anyone and everyone else-Don’t?

They just don’t?

I believe in simple kindness. Truth. Love. Friendships and relationships that last the test of time and can wether a few storms. In not holding a grudge or reliving the past. Knowing when enough is enough.

Call me simple. Call me old fashioned. Call me country, niave, or even stupid. But this is the way I have managed to get through my life. Somewhere along the way though everything changed around me. That used to be enough for everyone, for people, for some people. Its just good honest human values and simple common sense, right? I dont understand why that cant be enough. I just dont get it.

I guess now my worry should be that I have passed these things on to my children. I never taught them to be mean to others. To not care when someone needs them. To disregard the feelings of others in favor of what they want. To kick and trample others to get to the top. I never learned that. My “mean and shitty” gene is messed up in my DNA.

I’ve said it before, I’m just a worm. Everyone kicks me to the side. I’m the runt of the litter-kinda sickly and in need of a little extra warmth and love. Im that girl who always gets pickked last, but I stand here anyways,like an idiot, awaiting my turn. Happily congratulating all the others who go first. Patting them on the back. Wishing , oh god, just dying inside from wishing, that id be next. But pasting that stupid smile on my ridiculous unwanted face as I get passed up again…and again..only to find out that the teams are uneven. no room for me anywhere…..i’ll just sit here and watch and smile, happy for the opportunity.

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